Screw Diversity

I don't think it would be surprising to anyone that knows me to find out that I have been enjoying Jersey Shore on MTV. The characters (aka people) are great - they are so ridiculous and amusing at the same time. They go from being best friends to mortal enemies quicker than you can say "Let's do a shot". Even though they were only in that wonderful Jersey shore house for a little more than a month, they created a multitude of great moments for audiences. Sure, the most memorable one had to be Snookie getting clocked in the face by a guy (of course, MTV refused to show the actual punch, while continuing to promote it and show clips of its aftermath). But there have been other ones - Vinny hooking up with the boss' girl, Pauly D's Israeli stalker, J-Woww's regular brawls, The Situation's creepy creeping, the annoying relationship between Ronnie & Sammi, the constant stream of girls to and from the house. It's been great.

We've learned many lessons throughout the magical journey also. I learned about GTL - gym, tanning, laundry. Apparently, every guido needs to spend daily time at the gym, then ingesting some artificial rays. But, I did not realize that it was so important to do laundry every day - because, if the outfit ain't slamming, it can ruin the whole package. I learned that you can have a nickname that is infinitely longer than your actual name and people will still call you that (The Situation vs. Mike). You can also can decide to butcher a nickname if you choose (Snickers, Schnooks, etc. instead of Snooki). I learned about falling on grenades (when one of your friends takes one for the team by going off with your girls' umm, larger friend). It has been quite educational.

But, I think that the biggest thing I've learned is that diversity (as it applies to the all important world of reality television) does not matter one bit. For years, MTV and the other networks have been tinkering with their formula to bring people of all races and backgrounds together and been content to watch the sparks fly. Sure, there were always some "regular" characters (different from "normal") - the angry black guy, the timid asian girl, the country hick (female or male version), the idiot from Boston, the player, the slut, the hot girl (sometimes also the slut), the gay guy. Just pick a few from that pot, stick them in a house and before you know it, people will stop being polite and start being REAL.

On those other shows, the first time there was any sniff of a fight, that person usually got kicked out of the house and/or off the show (I still feel like David the comedian from Real World LA got a raw deal - pulling a blanket off some one was not attempted rape). But, after a while, all the shows seemed to be the same.

So, what is different on Jersey Shore?

They are all the same person. No more wasting time on the uptight roommate that doesn't drink to excess. These cats all drink. A lot. They all fight - with each other, with the opposite sex, with just about anyone. They all flirt. They all hook up - with each other and with just about anyone else. They are all extremely vain. I know they don't show every conversation that has ever happened in the house, but smart money is that there has not been a single conversation that could be categorized as "semi-intelligent" by someone like Malcolm Gladwell (or even Malcolm Jamaal Warner for that matter). Lots of talk about hair gel, guidos, tanning, drinking, hooking up, etc.

So, forget the variety, it's all about getting a group of people that are all basically the same and putting them in a house on the Jersey shore. That's all we really want. Let them act like a bunch of fools, upset advocacy groups for their heritage, hook up and then - become stars. I recently read that Pauly and The Situation have started to demand appearance fees in the area of about $7,500. Normally these fees are paid for them to visit a bar. Umm, something tells me that a few months ago, a couple of free drinks and the promise of promiscuous girls would be enough. Or just the promise of the girls.

As rumors swirl about the next Jersey Shore, you have to start to wonder if this formula will catch on. But, you need some key ingredients - well, mostly just sex and drinking. Where will the next show be located? A bunch of Irish guys and girls in Boston, living on Revere Beach? A group of cowboys and cowgirls living it up in Austin, Texas? A gaggle of backwoods rednecks in somewhere like Mobile, Alabama?

Doesn't matter. I'll still watch.